Morning pages, and realisations

I’ve been doing three things religiously over the last couple of weeks – writing in my gratitude journal in the morning and evening, writing in my ‘one line a day’ journal, and writing ‘morning pages’ (there is a good article about what morning pages are here).  It might seem an odd time to be dedicated to documenting my days but I think it’s important to notice the happier times, be grateful for the many wonderful things I do still have in my life and to just get things out of my brain and onto the page. Morning pages really helps with this as it involves just writing longhand, freehand, stream of consciousness, preferably for about three pages (though I don’t force it if it isn’t coming).  It acts as a ‘brain dump’, a way to get things out of your mind and onto paper.  Apparently you’re not supposed to look back on your morning pages, but I often do, especially lately.  It makes me realise that deep inside, the words that come out onto the page are very positive and hopeful even if I don’t always necessarily feel like that.  I often find myself writing intentions or plans for the future and I find them incredibly helpful to look back on and realise that my intuition is trying to guide me forward.  Looking back a few days ago I can see that I wrote:

‘Walk more. Be outside more. Be ‘tov’ – imperfect, messy {link to podcast here}. Take time out for you. Take time to listen to birds.  Take your hands off the wheel and let the universe decide.  Roll  your yoga mat out.  Read more, learn more, nourish and find joy.  Do not try to fill space – learn to love the space.  Be someone known as being relentlessly positive.  Make quick decisions and move things forward.  Embrace uncertainty and learn to love the questions.  Trust the process.  Enjoy the simple pleasures and invite and celebrate joy.’

I wasn’t really thinking as I was writing these things, they were just spilling out onto the page.  They seem like useful things to pay attention to.

img credit: death to the stock photo

This weekend I was with friends in their beautiful house in Wiltshire, where they have a teeny baby, chickens clucking around and a dog that bounds out to their front gate to greet you.  In many ways they have everything that I want, and though I could have been green with envy, I just felt full of love and happiness for them and their situation.  As I was stood in their stunning bathroom looking at their antique tiled floor, luscious green plants and huge rain shower, I realised that being on my own now isn’t a barrier to me having these things (well, okay, maybe the baby).  In my head I had equated being married, or being in a relationship with being able to have the happy, comfortable life, but for now I just need to focus on being kind to myself and enjoying being a Rosie.  I can still have a lovely home and a happy life even if I’m not sharing it with someone else just now.