Honest to blog | Crisis of confidence

The first time I remember the thrill of buying new clothes was when I got my first job at the age of 15.  Having just discovered alternative music I would save my wages to get the bus into Southampton and buy wide legged flares, zip hoodies, skate shoes and plastic jewellery.  At 16 I went to a college with a big art and music department and met other people who dressed like me and we’d share clothes and shop together, expressing our personalities via the bands emblazoned across our hoodies (and competing for who had the widest legged trousers – and by the way this was 11 years ago, it was cool).  I knew then that I loved buying clothes and having fun with fashion but when I got older and didn’t have ‘alternative subculture’ to define the way I dressed I sort of lost my way.

For the last few years I’ve fallen into habits with clothes, and fashion for me became finding ways to hide the parts of my body I didn’t like.  As a result I have a wardrobe full of similar items; dresses nipped in at the waist with a skater style skirt were my comfort blanket, worn with a cardigan, tights and flats.  When I discovered blogging it made me question everything again – there are so many bloggers I feel inspired by, but those that do inspire me are often those with their own signature style, who can pull an amazing outfit together because they know the shapes, fabrics, patterns and outlines that suit them.  I could find endless inspiration, but I couldn’t find myself.

These last few weeks I thought I’d found it.  I almost found myself regressing back to those college years – “I’m a trousers and tops person” I told myself.  I furiously pulled the majority of my dresses out of my wardrobe and bundled them into a chest.  I smugly went out on nights out and wore wet look leggings and peplums whilst my friends braved the cold in dresses and bare legs.  “I’m just a casual person,” I told myself. I seeked comfort in jeans, t-shirts and jumpers and bought cosy hoodies.  “I like street style,” I told myself, and dug out my old Nike Air Force One trainers.  I ditched the high waisted skirts I used to wear to work in favour of trousers and t-shirts and the heels made way for brogues and ballet flats.  I developed an aversion for tights.

Of course another epiphany arrived as quickly as the first.  At least now I could be honest with myself.  I’d lost my way completely.  I’d gone from ‘the girl who always wears dresses’ to ‘the girl who always wears trousers’.  I was even more lost than before.  That was a few days ago.  I’m no closer to answering the question of ‘What is my personal style?’ or ‘What does Rosie dress like?’ I took some outfit photos last night and I deleted them as soon as I saw them, they just weren’t ‘me’ (not to mention I looked terrible!)

When I woke up this morning I wanted to ‘dress up’ and feel good about myself again.  I wanted to be able to walk around work with my head held high.  I want to be able to post outfit posts I can be proud of and not have a meltdown at the thought of attending a blogger event.  Here is my first try.  And you know what? It felt so good to put a dress on, and even better to put heels on.

Outfit post
dress: all saints [old] // snood: asos [£15] boots: new look* [£29.99]

Outfit post

I was recently sent a £30 New Look gift card and I bought these shearling lined shoe boots.  My originally thought was that they would go well with all the jeans I’d been wearing, but they look pretty good with a dress too right? …*Opens up the chest*….

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