Stephen Covey wrote about the 'big rocks' in life - where your life is an empty jar, and you fill it with big rocks first, then you can add gravel, sand, water; all the small things that make up life. Every time you think it's full you can add more of the small stuff. The point isn't that you can always fit more stuff in (though that is pretty much how I've been living my life lately) but the point is that you have to get the 'big rocks', the stuff that matters, in first, otherwise the small stuff will fill it up and you won't be able to fit them in. I try so hard with the small stuff - the gratitude journal, the endless self-help books stacked up on my bedside cabinet, the yoga classes I do manage to get to, the morning runs, the cookbooks and the rich foods, the holidays, the new hobbies, the gym routines, the new clothes and beauty products.... but it never seems to fill that void. I still find myself searching for those big rocks to make me feel full and content.
I have trouble with December and January (see here), and when Mercury is in retrograde, and on rainy days, and dark days, and cold days. When I spend too much time with people, and when I spend too much time alone. When I think too much, and when I don't spend enough time reflecting. I have read that happiness is a muscle you have to build, and flex, and it takes work. I have read The Happiness Project and I am trying to declutter, and have a capsule wardrobe, and 'be Rosie', and lighten up, and be grateful, and generally invest time and energy into being happy. I am trying so hard! But the muscles aren't quite there yet. I'm checking myself in the mirror but I can't see any changes.