|img credit: gemma correll|
|img credit: anxiety cat|
I think that part of the reason is that my priorities and goals have changed. A few years ago when I was working in the Press Office my aim was to move to London, work in Press/PR and be one of those people who goes to art galleries, drinks wine al fresco on summer evenings and knows when to press the 'doors open' button. Then I met Tom, for whom the idea of being in London for longer than a day is his worst nightmare, and we made the decision eventually to live by the sea (and the forest), get a little dog and continue working for the same organisation. And so, when I'm sent away for events or training these days it's not a taste of what I want my life to be, it's time away from my lovely home, boyfriend and woofer. Life has become easy and comfortable, and challenges and unexpected events seem larger by comparison.
I don't quite know how to finish this post because I don't know what the answer is. Do I push myself into unfamiliar situations to train myself back to being uber-confident, or do I enjoy the solace of the space I've created for myself? Do I recognise that what I like is the 'simple things' in life, or am I just copping out and convincing myself of that so I don't have to do the tough stuff?
For now I am going to be grateful for the achievements I have made and for the person I have turned into. And also grateful that I have found something so special to me that it is now hard and out-of-sorts to leave it behind. I recently found a list of aids for building self-esteem when I was doing some research on assertiveness for work and it really resonated with me so I'm going to end by sharing that. I'm not sure I necessarily agree with 1 unless that's the source of your anxiety, but I like the others.